the decade of recognition
10 years of evolution
personal and artistic growth comes in many forms, and draws connective parallels to each chapter in life that opens and closes. the list above is a physical representation of various explorations over the past decade. there were few successes, and many failures along the way. although a failure may seem like a failure, i have since understood that similar to these life chapters, it too closes and opens anew.
my project list is in no particular order [despite the numbers, letters, and numerals], it is not “finished,” and no single project is more important than another—they are all equals. in fact, some of these projects go even further back, past this decade: take photography for example. in earlier times, when i was in art school, it was my primary medium, nothing else mattered, and my focus was solely on documentary photography.
the studio
with a move to segovia, spain over the past six months, i have found a space where my creativity can thrive. throughout this space, i have designated particular areas, dedicated to each practice [images below].
1: there is a large table by the windows where i have set up the typewriter, 404 MK II sampler, and speakers.
2: to the right of this is my mat, cushion, and zabuton for yoga and meditation.
3: the room near the front of the flat is the leatherwork studio.
4. the lower level of the apartment is the painting studio.
a decade in brief
art school
lest we forget, before the decade reflection, i will take a moment to address it. my thoughts on art school are vast and varied, but i will sum it up in simple terms: you either went to art school, or you didn’t.
yes, the politics, the structure, the system is indeed corrupt, and like all colleges or universities, its a money machine designed to further entangle individuals. however, to me it was an experience that had an unseen, almost secret, expansive influence that embraced me through time. there is also an profound and recognized connective dialogue that exists, even language, between myself and others who have lived the art school experience.
on this topic, there is more to say. but for now i will leave it at this. . . for better or worse, art school has proven [only in time] to have had a major, positive influence on my intellectual and conceptual mind, creative output, and ability to create deep cultural connections.
life
what happened in ten years. a marriage, the undoing of a marriage, boston to san diego to new york city [a love], to upstate new york bought a house, back to cambridge sold the house, [a new love] and upstate new york, and now, spain [a love, no love, a love].
needless to say the psychological and logistical impact of such events are beyond comprehension, but i am well aware that im not alone in this. its also important that the psychological and logistical doings are important elements in the process. these moments imparted new and novel knowledge, understanding, and purpose. not just of self, but of artistic creation and exploration, to the extent of the meaning of these terms are concerned.
recognition
my personal realization arrived in the form of understanding that the “expectation” [no matter how realistic, or unrealistic] we build becomes a prison—both mentally and physically. this took time to recognize, and undo, with the guidance of an individual who was well versed and deeply connected to the notion of nothing to do.
my feeling is that power lies in letting go of expectation. letting go of labels that create prisons. period. to free myself of expected outcome in every single aspect of creation.
it was revealed in how attached i was to outcome, and the realization was profound, devastating, and disabling. the ideas always arrived, but there were fabricated barriers, ones almost impossible to overcome, and the ability to create became stagnant.
value of concept
when i was in art school, i would present my portfolio to my mother. she would say the work has to begin with a concept. the work can be beautiful and nice to look at, but without concept be meaningless. concept is what brings a body of work together to transmit, and connect.
her thought resonated with me over the years. i still believe this to be true . . .to a degree.
why true? because the ability to generate novel [and perhaps even new] concepts and ideas are an invaluable asset. why to a degree? as this statement can also be a prison.
the spark, however, will remains as the root of creativity.
in closing
from the beginning of the decade to now, in summary:
documentary photography was the only way
abandonment of the medium of photography
life happened but ideas continued to surface
acknowledging the value of ideas
investigating purpose and letting go of expectation
resonance with the notion of nothing to do
creating with no desired outcome
the last point is where i would like to conclude. there is no such thing as a “correct medium” in my opinion. i speak to my own experience, that whats been revealed at the end of this decade [and the rising of a new one] is the idea of creating with no desired outcome.
it is freeing the mind of expectation, of prisons.
if we see the above list of projects [image], its existence is rooted in the spark. ideas are the result, and in freeing the mind of experctation the list reveals that there is no one medium for creating. my release from external and internal expectation has been instrumental in the doing.
as a good friend once said “from a place of nothingness is where i want to create.”
hans aue
